A Formal Introduction.

So, by some miracle you've made it here to my new blog. And now you are wondering who the heck I am and what business do I have for writing a blog and taking up some of you precious time!

So let me tell you.

My name is Kaysie. I am 31 years old. I live in rural Victoria, Australia. I am married with 2 children. And I want a third baby. I DESPERATELY want a third baby. It's all I think about. It quite literally consumes most of my waking thoughts. I dream about having another baby. I see babies everywhere when I walk down the street. Facebook is full of newborn babies who make me the cluckiest woman alive. My oldest and dearest friend is pregnant. Babies everywhere!

But having a baby is not so simple for me. It's not just a matter of falling pregnant. There are things that I need to consider, things I need to change and things that need to be resolved before I can even begin trying to conceive.

Let me explain.

My biggest hurdle is my mental health. I have severe depression. And even though I have been fairly stable for most of this year, I am on medications that are not safe for pregnancy. This means I need to change my medications before I fall pregnant, which in turn means I need the support of my wonderful GP to change them. As great as he is, I feel he will be loathe to change anything due to the effectiveness of my current medication. It also means waiting weeks and weeks to get in and actually be able to see him as he is booked up for months in advanced. I do have an appointment on the 22nd of September, but that is still weeks away and I want to get the ball rolling now. Like, right now!

And because of my mental health I need to consider the ramifications of changing my meds to something that is safe for pregnancy, like Zoloft. What will I do if the new medications don't work? What then? Persevere until I'm pregnant and had the baby? How low am I prepared to go, how far down that black tunnel am I willing to go for a baby. And is it fair on my husband and children to do that? And what of the new baby? Is it fair on the baby to be born to a mother who is depressed? And how will I cope once the baby is born? I at least know that there are medications that work that I can turn to once I've had the baby, that is comforting.

The next hurdle to overcome is my infertility problems. It took two years to conceive my last baby - who happens to be 6 next month! I required intervention from an OB/GYN to conceive him. My problem is I don't feel like I have two years in me to conceive a baby. My oldest is already 9, my husband 41 and I just feel like if it took two more years to conceive, everyone would be too old.

My plan is to seek help from my OB/GYN as soon as possible. But for that to happen I  need to get a referral when I see my doctor, who I don't see for another 2 weeks yet. It just feels so far away! I also need to get the Implanon contraceptive rod taken out which requires another appointment to the GP - which I can't make until after I've seen my GP. Everything just seems to hinge on this one appointment. It drives me crazy!

So, this blog is all about my journey through the trying to conceive stages and future pregnancy. I hope you'll stick around and following along with me. I have to tell you though, this blog is mostly for my own sake - writing it all down so that not only do I not forget this journey, but it gives me an outlet to get my emotions out so I don't bottle it up like I would normally do.

Kaysie
xxx