Hi all!
I decided to get the whole trying to conceive ball rolling by making an appointment to get the contraceptive rod out of my arm.
I rang my normal clinic and was informed that not only do I have to make an appointment to get the rod out, but I also need to make a prior appointment to "talk" about getting the darn thing out.
As my regular GP was away on holidays, I decided I would speak to another doctor at the clinic rather than wait for my GP to return.
So the first appointment was last Friday (5th September). I walk in, sit down and explain that I want the rod out of my arm and that I plan on trying to conceive. The doctor then explained that I should get a variety of blood tests done first - a pre-pregnancy screening, making sure that I did not have any STI's, my blood group and a fasting insulin reading due to the fact that I had gestational diabetes with my last two children.
That was great. I was happy to comply. I saw it as another step towards being able to conceive.
And then he read my file.
His tune changed really fast.
He actually asked me if my husband knew I was at the appointment! And did my husband know that I was intending on getting the rod taken out of my arm? He actually implied that I was going behind my husband's back and that it was some kind of secret I was keeping from him! It was in his tone of voice and written all over his face. When he asked me this I was too shocked to say anything other than, "Yes my husband knows I am here."
The more I think about it, the angrier I become. How dare he imply that I am a conniving woman, set out to get pregnant against my husband's wishes. How bloody rude!
He also informed me that I would need to see my regular GP BEFORE making the second appointment to get the rod taken out. I should have just waited to see my GP from the start.
Yes I have depression. I've been diagnosed since I was 15. It's been a long, hard battle. But that does not mean that I am not a loving mother, that I am not capable of raising more children. Yes, the depression is something I have to consider when making such life changing decisions, but it doesn't define me as a person. It is not who I am. It's not who I will be. Even in my deepest, darkest days when I couldn't get out of bed, I have ALWAYS made sure my children were taken care of first, and when there was nobody else to take care of them, I took care of them. I had too. They have always come first. They always will.
I've made peace with my diagnosis.
It's a shame that people like this doctor can't see beyond my diagnosis.
Kaysie
xxx
I think its disgusting for people to hold onto this stereotype. Thats why I dont like the term 'mental illness'. People have long used the word mental as an insult, and now we have to live with that title and be defined by it - at least by those around us.
ReplyDeleteI have had a psychiatrist and fertility specialist and even a pastor tell me I had no business having more children.
Just because I live with bipolar disorder doesnt mean I'm not a good mother. My daughter is sweet and kind and reminds us every day that we need to strive to be better parents and better people - and better Christians - with her smile.
And now? In spite of the judgment of others, in spite of my own fertility problems, and in spite of my struggles with mental illness...
...I am pregnant. And my baby is a healthy Little Bouncing Kidney Bean as I get up each day, take of my daughter and the precious life within me.
People with a mental illness have no business having children? We're incapable?
Watch us.
PS Kaysie, I know you better than anyone, and you're a wonderful, beautiful, loving mother who inspires me and reminds me that I am a mother first, and the bipolar is not who I am, it comes a distant second.
Not even that.